What Helped You Rise May Now Hold You Back

There is a moment when you realise that what once made you successful is no longer what is being asked of you. Maybe it is a way of working. A habit of control. Maybe it is a way of proving your worth that no longer fits or no longer gets the results it used to. Or a voice in your head that helped you achieve… and now just makes you tired.

You sense that something is not shifting the way it should. And it may be that the same intensity, perfectionism, responsibility, or experience that earned you trust, credibility, or status now feels like armour or no longer serves you.

This is often when people reach out for coaching. And what they say is something like:

“The feedback I’m getting isn’t good anymore.”

“I’m expected to change — but how?”

“How can I change at this age, at this level of seniority?”

The More Senior We Become, the Harder This Gets. Because our behaviours or traits have become identity. We have spent years being rewarded for them, have built reputations around being experienced, reliable, smart, needed, in control.

Letting go of those patterns is about letting go of who we think we are. And who we think we need to be to stay successful, safe, respected, loved. And often, the letting go needs to happen before we feel ready to do it, so it feels risky, vulnerable, like stepping into the unknown.

If you are in that space, you are in the transition between one version of yourself and the next.

And while it can feel uncomfortable — it is also unavoidable. It is the shedding of skin that many animals must go through to survive and grow. It is a call to travel lighter, wiser, drawing on all the experience we have accumulated without being defined by it. And it is so hard.

I see so many of us resist this moment. We will do almost anything not to feel it. But only when we let it happen, does life — and leadership — become more spacious, more aligned, more enjoyable. Otherwise, we end up holding on to an outdated version of ourselves that no longer fits the world around us or the one within us.

So how do we live through these transitions? How do we feel safe to experience them? Because when you are in this phase, it can feel like the ground is moving and there is nothing to hold on to.

What helps is having anchors, clear goals, a sense of support from the people around you, a deeper understanding of what is being asked and yes, a good coach can help, to walk beside you, to remind you of your whys, hows and feel a little stronger.

Me and the person I want to step into.