How Do You Know You’re in Red?

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In my first post about traffic light behaviour, I explored the yellow - that space where growth happens - and how important it is to learn to stay there a little longer each time. Before we can do yellow, we need to recognise the red. This post is about learning to notice our red because awareness is the first step.

Red is totally human. Coming back is great leadership.

We all have a red. It is where we shut down, protect, fix too fast or disappear into control. We all have a green — where things flow, feel aligned, exciting, rewarding.

But the real work happens in the yellow. Where we stay with discomfort instead of escaping it. Where growth, expansion and change happen.

But before we can do yellow… we need to know when we are in red. And that takes awareness, honesty and practice.

🔻 Red is not always loud. It’s not just shouting, storming out or aggressive emails. It can be subtle. Quiet. Justified. Even productive. In fact, red often feels like strength - taking over, powering through, pushing forward, pretending we’re fine.

But red is about protection, it’s the part of us that avoids, defends, over-functions or shuts down because something feels too vulnerable or uncomfortable to face.

So how do you know you’re in red?

• You shut down or withdraw (physically or emotionally)

• You get sharp, controlling, impatient or perfectionistic

• You feel righteous, misunderstood or quietly superior

• You go into fixing mode, rescuing, overdoing

• You avoid, ignore, delay or go silent

• You react from assumption instead of curiosity

Sometimes red feels good — decisive, efficient, in control. Other times it feels bad — disconnected, resentful, lonely.

 Red can also be a blind spot. You might not realise you’re in red until:

• A team member reflects it back

• You hear the same feedback again and again

• A coach gently challenges the story you’re telling

These are the moments to pause, to get curious. Because red is as an instinctive survival reaction to protect us from the uncomfortable. We need to learn to notice this reaction so that we know the yellow to practice. 

🔴 What does my red look like?

🔴 What do I do in red?

🔴 How do I justify the red to myself?